Original writing 5/17/2010
Last week I got a most shocking email from the man I walked away from last May. I haven't had any communication with him since leaving him, yet lately he'd been on my mind quite a bit. When I got the email from him, immediately my tummy and head started hurting, there were still so many emotions associated with him. I've had so much anger and hatred toward him and how things ended that I'd been blocked emotionally and mentally from moving forward in my life.
I bantered with him back and forth via email for a little while, but couldn't really go into where I was at in my life or what emotions I was feeling due to the fact that I was at work. Later in the afternoon I sent him an email explaining the hurt, the love, the anger and where I'm at now. I explained that I felt I had brought him to me because of my need for closure and our strong connection to each other which seems to still be in place.
I left work immediately after sending the email and proceeded to enjoy the company of my friends. By the end of the night, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest which had been suffocating me for the last year.
The next day when I got to work, I had an email from him which responded to each of my points and made points of his own. We discussed that a little further that day, then said our goodbyes. I now feel so light, happy, carefree.
I'm not angry anymore and there is no more hatred eating me up inside. I'm grateful that this man whom I loved so deeply was able to open the door for us to both get the closure we so desperately needed. Now, I can move on with my life, and enjoy all the beauty this world has to offer!
Thanks GDT!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
My Challenge
I've met a man who is aware of my insatiable sexual desires. As a student of psychology he has spent time learning about who I am, and what makes me tick. Apparently he likes what he's learned because he's been very bold about telling me that he doesn't want to share me. In addition to that, he wants me to spend time with him without having sex. For example, he told me last night that he wouldn't come spend the night with me because he knew that I couldn't go the night without attacking him.
Because I was told "no" (which by the way, I am NOT accustomed to and really dislike) my first instinct was to rebel. There was a man hanging out with my friends and I who I've slept with before propositioning me to come home with him. Initially, I said yes. I wasn't going to let someone tell me no! After processing the situation further, I realized that this man propositioning me only wanted a piece of ass, like so many other men in my life. I also realized that were I to act on my initial instinct, I would run the risk of loosing someone who could be genuine who could help me grow beyond my cravings.
So, I told the propositioner no. I wouldn't go home with him. I guess it was in the cards for me to be really tempted because immediately following my "no" I was told that the propositioner and my brother were going to join my other 2 friends and I at the after party and spend the night. OH DRUNKEN HORNINESS...WHY MUST YOU TEMPT ME SO????
Rather then dealing with further temptation, I convinced my other two friends to leave, immediately. We did and I had a most pleasant evening with two very close friends who put no sexual pressures on me.
Now, I woke up this morning feeling fabulous about myself, my decision and my night, rather then waking up full of regrets and hurt feelings etc. I like this feeling. I want more of it!
I want to say that regardless of what happens between this new man, I thank him for opening my eyes and actually WANTING to see me become a better person, and for taking the time to get to know me...which, by the way...is exactly what I've been looking for for a really long time!
Because I was told "no" (which by the way, I am NOT accustomed to and really dislike) my first instinct was to rebel. There was a man hanging out with my friends and I who I've slept with before propositioning me to come home with him. Initially, I said yes. I wasn't going to let someone tell me no! After processing the situation further, I realized that this man propositioning me only wanted a piece of ass, like so many other men in my life. I also realized that were I to act on my initial instinct, I would run the risk of loosing someone who could be genuine who could help me grow beyond my cravings.
So, I told the propositioner no. I wouldn't go home with him. I guess it was in the cards for me to be really tempted because immediately following my "no" I was told that the propositioner and my brother were going to join my other 2 friends and I at the after party and spend the night. OH DRUNKEN HORNINESS...WHY MUST YOU TEMPT ME SO????
Rather then dealing with further temptation, I convinced my other two friends to leave, immediately. We did and I had a most pleasant evening with two very close friends who put no sexual pressures on me.
Now, I woke up this morning feeling fabulous about myself, my decision and my night, rather then waking up full of regrets and hurt feelings etc. I like this feeling. I want more of it!
I want to say that regardless of what happens between this new man, I thank him for opening my eyes and actually WANTING to see me become a better person, and for taking the time to get to know me...which, by the way...is exactly what I've been looking for for a really long time!
Loosing My Faith
Originally composed 3/22/2010
I make a concerted effort daily to be the best person I can be. I try to be honest, sincere, dependable, loving, kind, all the good qualities that were instilled in me from early childhood. I try to live by the golden rule "Do unto others as you would have done to you". In my friendships, these attributes are appreciated, admired and loved, but in intimate relationships, these attributes are abused and taken advantage of. This has happened so often in my life that I'm begining to loose my faith in ever finding someone who can love me and appreciate the goodness and love that I have to offer.
My most recent relationship lasted nearly three years. During this time, I tried my hardest to be understanding of my partners inability to commit, I tried to be respectful of his desire to keep our relationship private from all of his family, friends, co-workers, basically eveyone in his life. I accepted all of these things because I loved him and thought that in time, he would realize that no one would be as wonderful to him as I am. I was wrong. This was just the last in a long line of dishonesty and abuse of the love that I give. I'm ready to give up.
I've recently discovered that being a bitch actually gets me more, and gets me the behaviors and responses that I expect and want. This is quite contrary to my upbringing and personal belief system, however it's an attribute I think I need to adopt. I think that in the society we live in, this can be a great protective mechanism. It will be beneficial in protecting myself from emotional injury and trauma. Part of this "being a bitch" is putting out there exactly what my expectations are and not accepting any less. If you cannot fulfill my expectations, you are not welcome into my life and all that I have to offer. If you cannot reciprocate the kindness/generosity/love I give, you are not deserving of those things and so they will not be given to you. This will be my credo the next time I look for love, if that ever happens again.
I make a concerted effort daily to be the best person I can be. I try to be honest, sincere, dependable, loving, kind, all the good qualities that were instilled in me from early childhood. I try to live by the golden rule "Do unto others as you would have done to you". In my friendships, these attributes are appreciated, admired and loved, but in intimate relationships, these attributes are abused and taken advantage of. This has happened so often in my life that I'm begining to loose my faith in ever finding someone who can love me and appreciate the goodness and love that I have to offer.
My most recent relationship lasted nearly three years. During this time, I tried my hardest to be understanding of my partners inability to commit, I tried to be respectful of his desire to keep our relationship private from all of his family, friends, co-workers, basically eveyone in his life. I accepted all of these things because I loved him and thought that in time, he would realize that no one would be as wonderful to him as I am. I was wrong. This was just the last in a long line of dishonesty and abuse of the love that I give. I'm ready to give up.
I've recently discovered that being a bitch actually gets me more, and gets me the behaviors and responses that I expect and want. This is quite contrary to my upbringing and personal belief system, however it's an attribute I think I need to adopt. I think that in the society we live in, this can be a great protective mechanism. It will be beneficial in protecting myself from emotional injury and trauma. Part of this "being a bitch" is putting out there exactly what my expectations are and not accepting any less. If you cannot fulfill my expectations, you are not welcome into my life and all that I have to offer. If you cannot reciprocate the kindness/generosity/love I give, you are not deserving of those things and so they will not be given to you. This will be my credo the next time I look for love, if that ever happens again.
I had a dream.....
To qualify this one...This was written on March 9 this year and was an actual dream I had the night before. Was so stunningly vivid and memorable I had to write it down.
There were a bunch of people on a peninsula, it was so beautiful, and was in South America somewhere. The feeling was of the 2012 prophecy. So all these people were in this big room, and there was a big wall which was taken up entirely by huge metal doors with some type of design on them. As people were voicing their disbelief about the 2012 prophecies, the doors started wavering, moving and a voice emitted from them saying that we all needed to be prepared.
Next thing I know, I'm outside on the peninsula. It's not just a peninsula, but there are huge cliffs on either side of it that drop down to the ocean maybe 500 feet or more. Across the water there is a beautiful castle coming straight out of the water, and a huge outcropping of rock/mountain all green and lush. As I'm looking at these sights, I see the water receding, then a massive wave coming up in the distance. My mom is in a trailer right on the edge of the cliff and I try to get her to leave it, to come with me and get away from the water. She is strapped into a seat and refuses to leave, thinking she will be safer in the trailer when the water hits. Finally I unstrap her and get her out of the trailer. We start running across to the other side of the peninsula and then realize that a huge wave is coming from that side too. So both sides are about to be bombarded with water. As I look down to where the peninsula folds out into land, I see a mountain, with a trail leading up it. I grab my mom and start running toward the trail along with the hordes of other people that are there.
As my mom and I are going up the trail I wonder where my sisters, nieces and children are, I can't find them anywhere in the crowds. I then notice that the trail was put here specifically as an escape route from floods. The trail starts to lead into the foothills and then the mountain. There are towering cliffs on either side of us now and the people all have to converge into a small place, like a bottle neck.
We had been ascending for quite sometime and eventually come to a part where the path ends in a drop off of about 10 feet, down at the bottom the path continues. My mom is hesitant to make the jump down, but then we see there are railings mounted in the sides of the cliff which will make the jump easier. I jump down first then my mom and the others follow. I come across two pieces of what looks like bronze. When I put them together, they turn into a hooded figure. It is from an ancient civilization who is now testing us to make sure that we are advanced enough to join their society. The hooded figure asks me a mathematical story question. The first two times the question is put to me, it doesn't make any sense. I'm about to pull out the calculator on my phone to figure it out when I ask the figure what the first number was. The figure smiles at me and tells me that is the answer he was looking for. There is no real answer to the question, he just wanted to make sure I was intelligent enough to consider the prospect of answering it and not intimidated by what seemed an unanswerable question.
In answering correctly a huge cavern opens up. Everyone goes inside the cavern and I am left alone with the hooded figure. He reaches out and touches my face, caressing my cheek. He says to me, "You are so beautiful. Why are you hiding your beauty? Where's all your amazing hair?" He pulls the hat and bandanna I have on my head off and says breathlessly "Ah, there it is. Leave it down now". Once he says that, the two bronze pieces that had joined to create him break apart. The bottom part of it disintegrates and the top portion I keep with me, the part that made the head.
I go into the room and everyone is thanking me for getting them away from the water and into the cavern. They all begin relaxing and reveling. I try to stand up to talk to them, I thank them all for their co-operation but then try to tell them that we are not out of danger yet. The whole of the crowd disintegrates into laughing, talking loudly, celebrating. They won't listen to my warnings that we have to keep moving, we have to keep following the path laid out for us. Finally, out of fear and disgust I leave the crowd and continue on the path. My mom is lost in the crowd and I leave without her. As I'm following the path through the center of the mountain I come upon a room. Miranda, Hannah and Stasia are all in there, playing on computers. As though nothing is going on. I try to get them to follow me, telling them that they are in danger. Finally Stasia comes with me and the other two girls follow.
We start ascending the path, when suddenly we feel lost, like we are not sure which way to go. The piece of bronze that I'd held on to jumps out of my hands and starts rolling along the path, showing us the way to go. We come to a gate, like a metal chain link fence with a gate in it. There are some what look like toothpicks wrapped in twine around the top and bottom of the gate post and the gate is held closed by some type of metal wiring. Behind us, I know that the water has reached the cavern where everyone felt safe, and completely flooded it. I know that the water is continuing to rise and that we must get the gate open in order to continue moving forward and avoid the cataclysm that is coming.
I feel as though this is another test, but in my panic to hurry and get the gate open, I don't pay attention to what is required of me. I feel as though it has something to do with the toothpick looking things, but instead I quickly untwist the wiring and kick the gate open. The instant I do that, the bronze head drops down the edge of the cliff that the gate opens onto and....My alarm clock goes off. Right before I wake up, I know I've opened the gate incorrectly and that I have failed the test.
I wake up. Realize it was my alarm that went off, and slowly start to come to my senses. What was this? Was my mind simply processing thoughts, emotions & fears? Was it prophetic? Was it both? I've been thinking about it all day. I see some correlations with events that are unfolding in my life. I wanted to write it all down, while it was fresh and I could remember all the details.
There were a bunch of people on a peninsula, it was so beautiful, and was in South America somewhere. The feeling was of the 2012 prophecy. So all these people were in this big room, and there was a big wall which was taken up entirely by huge metal doors with some type of design on them. As people were voicing their disbelief about the 2012 prophecies, the doors started wavering, moving and a voice emitted from them saying that we all needed to be prepared.
Next thing I know, I'm outside on the peninsula. It's not just a peninsula, but there are huge cliffs on either side of it that drop down to the ocean maybe 500 feet or more. Across the water there is a beautiful castle coming straight out of the water, and a huge outcropping of rock/mountain all green and lush. As I'm looking at these sights, I see the water receding, then a massive wave coming up in the distance. My mom is in a trailer right on the edge of the cliff and I try to get her to leave it, to come with me and get away from the water. She is strapped into a seat and refuses to leave, thinking she will be safer in the trailer when the water hits. Finally I unstrap her and get her out of the trailer. We start running across to the other side of the peninsula and then realize that a huge wave is coming from that side too. So both sides are about to be bombarded with water. As I look down to where the peninsula folds out into land, I see a mountain, with a trail leading up it. I grab my mom and start running toward the trail along with the hordes of other people that are there.
As my mom and I are going up the trail I wonder where my sisters, nieces and children are, I can't find them anywhere in the crowds. I then notice that the trail was put here specifically as an escape route from floods. The trail starts to lead into the foothills and then the mountain. There are towering cliffs on either side of us now and the people all have to converge into a small place, like a bottle neck.
We had been ascending for quite sometime and eventually come to a part where the path ends in a drop off of about 10 feet, down at the bottom the path continues. My mom is hesitant to make the jump down, but then we see there are railings mounted in the sides of the cliff which will make the jump easier. I jump down first then my mom and the others follow. I come across two pieces of what looks like bronze. When I put them together, they turn into a hooded figure. It is from an ancient civilization who is now testing us to make sure that we are advanced enough to join their society. The hooded figure asks me a mathematical story question. The first two times the question is put to me, it doesn't make any sense. I'm about to pull out the calculator on my phone to figure it out when I ask the figure what the first number was. The figure smiles at me and tells me that is the answer he was looking for. There is no real answer to the question, he just wanted to make sure I was intelligent enough to consider the prospect of answering it and not intimidated by what seemed an unanswerable question.
In answering correctly a huge cavern opens up. Everyone goes inside the cavern and I am left alone with the hooded figure. He reaches out and touches my face, caressing my cheek. He says to me, "You are so beautiful. Why are you hiding your beauty? Where's all your amazing hair?" He pulls the hat and bandanna I have on my head off and says breathlessly "Ah, there it is. Leave it down now". Once he says that, the two bronze pieces that had joined to create him break apart. The bottom part of it disintegrates and the top portion I keep with me, the part that made the head.
I go into the room and everyone is thanking me for getting them away from the water and into the cavern. They all begin relaxing and reveling. I try to stand up to talk to them, I thank them all for their co-operation but then try to tell them that we are not out of danger yet. The whole of the crowd disintegrates into laughing, talking loudly, celebrating. They won't listen to my warnings that we have to keep moving, we have to keep following the path laid out for us. Finally, out of fear and disgust I leave the crowd and continue on the path. My mom is lost in the crowd and I leave without her. As I'm following the path through the center of the mountain I come upon a room. Miranda, Hannah and Stasia are all in there, playing on computers. As though nothing is going on. I try to get them to follow me, telling them that they are in danger. Finally Stasia comes with me and the other two girls follow.
We start ascending the path, when suddenly we feel lost, like we are not sure which way to go. The piece of bronze that I'd held on to jumps out of my hands and starts rolling along the path, showing us the way to go. We come to a gate, like a metal chain link fence with a gate in it. There are some what look like toothpicks wrapped in twine around the top and bottom of the gate post and the gate is held closed by some type of metal wiring. Behind us, I know that the water has reached the cavern where everyone felt safe, and completely flooded it. I know that the water is continuing to rise and that we must get the gate open in order to continue moving forward and avoid the cataclysm that is coming.
I feel as though this is another test, but in my panic to hurry and get the gate open, I don't pay attention to what is required of me. I feel as though it has something to do with the toothpick looking things, but instead I quickly untwist the wiring and kick the gate open. The instant I do that, the bronze head drops down the edge of the cliff that the gate opens onto and....My alarm clock goes off. Right before I wake up, I know I've opened the gate incorrectly and that I have failed the test.
I wake up. Realize it was my alarm that went off, and slowly start to come to my senses. What was this? Was my mind simply processing thoughts, emotions & fears? Was it prophetic? Was it both? I've been thinking about it all day. I see some correlations with events that are unfolding in my life. I wanted to write it all down, while it was fresh and I could remember all the details.
Taking Responsibility for your feelings and actions
Now, I first need to qualify this one. It was initially written on March 10 of this year...It was just the way I was feeling that day!
Recently I had a falling out with a very good friend of mine. This friend is upset with me because I did not disclose information to them which they felt I should have shared.
One of my roles in life is as a confidante, secret keeper. The friend that is upset with me has come to me many many times to confide in me, and I have not broken that trust. The same is true in this most recent incident. I was confided in, and didn't break that trust.
Now, the title is taking responsibility for your feelings and actions. I am very big on this. This situation I am referring to is a common occurance in many friends & family of mine right now. They have relationship problems, they come to me as a sounding board. I support them in listening to their problems, and being non judgemental about whatever decision they happen to make.
However there comes a time when you need to take responsibility for your actions and choices. If you choose to continue putting yourself in an unhealthy, toxic relationship, you cannot expect to get the same ammount of sympathy and understanding you might have gotten initially from your friends or confidantes. You must also be willing to accept the consequences of your actions.
Here's an example: I happen to date men who cheat on me. I don't know why, it's just always been that way. My most recent long term relationship was an "open" one so that he could feel good about him cheating on me. Rather then removing myself from the situation as soon as I realized it was unhealthy for me, I continued to try to make it work, I continued to try to make myself feel alright with the situation. Finally after nearly 3 years of living like this I simply walked away and never looked back.
The same needs to be true for all of those friends/family who are in similar situations, whether it be a psycho boyfriend, one who doesn't love you, or one who loves his poison more than he loves you. If you have given it everything you've got, you can honestly say that you have tried your best to make it work, and it still isn't, then you need to have balls and walk away so that you can move on with your life.
You cannot hold others responsible for the choices you make. You cannot be angry with someone for not telling you everything wrong with the relationship. Most likely they have already done that and you were just unwilling to listen.
Man up...either take responsibility and action yourself, or quit your bitching. I'm over it!
Recently I had a falling out with a very good friend of mine. This friend is upset with me because I did not disclose information to them which they felt I should have shared.
One of my roles in life is as a confidante, secret keeper. The friend that is upset with me has come to me many many times to confide in me, and I have not broken that trust. The same is true in this most recent incident. I was confided in, and didn't break that trust.
Now, the title is taking responsibility for your feelings and actions. I am very big on this. This situation I am referring to is a common occurance in many friends & family of mine right now. They have relationship problems, they come to me as a sounding board. I support them in listening to their problems, and being non judgemental about whatever decision they happen to make.
However there comes a time when you need to take responsibility for your actions and choices. If you choose to continue putting yourself in an unhealthy, toxic relationship, you cannot expect to get the same ammount of sympathy and understanding you might have gotten initially from your friends or confidantes. You must also be willing to accept the consequences of your actions.
Here's an example: I happen to date men who cheat on me. I don't know why, it's just always been that way. My most recent long term relationship was an "open" one so that he could feel good about him cheating on me. Rather then removing myself from the situation as soon as I realized it was unhealthy for me, I continued to try to make it work, I continued to try to make myself feel alright with the situation. Finally after nearly 3 years of living like this I simply walked away and never looked back.
The same needs to be true for all of those friends/family who are in similar situations, whether it be a psycho boyfriend, one who doesn't love you, or one who loves his poison more than he loves you. If you have given it everything you've got, you can honestly say that you have tried your best to make it work, and it still isn't, then you need to have balls and walk away so that you can move on with your life.
You cannot hold others responsible for the choices you make. You cannot be angry with someone for not telling you everything wrong with the relationship. Most likely they have already done that and you were just unwilling to listen.
Man up...either take responsibility and action yourself, or quit your bitching. I'm over it!
A Man's Perspective
I had a flash of inspiration yesterday morning on my way into work. I was talking to a guy that I've been on a couple of dates with about sex. As a joke I said something about men paying for sex all the time in one respect or another. That simple statement set my mind off on a whole line of thinking.
What I said was true. Men constantly have to pay for intimacy in one way or another. Some men pay prostitutes or escorts. Some men date women and in such are paying for dinner, drinks, shows, etc. Some men have a girlfriend or a wife in which they are expected to buy gifts, do chores, take care of kids, etc.
This made me sad for men and grateful that I am a woman. Women have it so easy. Women can go into virtually any bar or club anywhere and with a little effort hook up with someone that they have an interest in. Men have to work so hard to even get a woman to pay attention to them, let alone have intimacy with them.
I'm always so down on being a woman and have said many times that I think I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body. For this one brief moment, I was so grateful to be a woman! Thanks to the man who helped me have this insight.
P.S. (8/11/2010) A few weeks ago, I was at a gay bar and an incredibly sexy man walked in...I almost fell out of my chair i was so enamored by him. He sat right next to me, and one of my friends immediately proceeded to hit on him. Later in the evening it was determined for me that the guy was bi, but had a preference for women. In spite of my strong desire to ravish him right then and there, I instead turned my back to him and focused on my friends. Partly that was out of respect for my friend that had been hitting on him, and partly it was...because I can...POINT BEING this guy...aparantly wanted me as badly as I wanted him....he proceeded for the next 15 minutes to pat me on the ass like a little kid trying to get my attention... :D ha ha ha...he came home with me that night...but still had to work way harder at it than I did...just sayin!
What I said was true. Men constantly have to pay for intimacy in one way or another. Some men pay prostitutes or escorts. Some men date women and in such are paying for dinner, drinks, shows, etc. Some men have a girlfriend or a wife in which they are expected to buy gifts, do chores, take care of kids, etc.
This made me sad for men and grateful that I am a woman. Women have it so easy. Women can go into virtually any bar or club anywhere and with a little effort hook up with someone that they have an interest in. Men have to work so hard to even get a woman to pay attention to them, let alone have intimacy with them.
I'm always so down on being a woman and have said many times that I think I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body. For this one brief moment, I was so grateful to be a woman! Thanks to the man who helped me have this insight.
P.S. (8/11/2010) A few weeks ago, I was at a gay bar and an incredibly sexy man walked in...I almost fell out of my chair i was so enamored by him. He sat right next to me, and one of my friends immediately proceeded to hit on him. Later in the evening it was determined for me that the guy was bi, but had a preference for women. In spite of my strong desire to ravish him right then and there, I instead turned my back to him and focused on my friends. Partly that was out of respect for my friend that had been hitting on him, and partly it was...because I can...POINT BEING this guy...aparantly wanted me as badly as I wanted him....he proceeded for the next 15 minutes to pat me on the ass like a little kid trying to get my attention... :D ha ha ha...he came home with me that night...but still had to work way harder at it than I did...just sayin!
Karma
I had a great experience this morning and wanted to share it with everyone, but there is some background so stay with me.
Every morning I get off my bus to go to work there is a homeless man on the corner. He is very nice and always has a smile, a wave and a “have a good day” for everyone he meets. During the time that I have worked at my job, I have gotten to know this man a little bit, and I can see that he has a good soul. There have been times when I have brought him ice cold water on a hot day, fruit that I knew he needed, cigarettes (daily) amongst other things. I do this because I can see that there is truly a need as well as an immense gratitude on his part.
This morning I went to a different bus stop than usual to catch my bus. As I was standing there, a bus drove by with the number that I usually take posted. The bus didn’t stop and the driver just pointed behind him, as though I was supposed to be at the stop back (it’s an express so it has limited stops). Frustrated and on the phone with the phone company I started walking so that I wouldn’t be late for work waiting on the next bus.
As I’m walking down the street, another bus goes by, this time the real bus I usually catch (I knew this because it’s the same driver every morning). I was unfortunately no where near one of the stops this bus uses. As I walked up to the corner, it was a red light and my bus was stopped there. I motioned to the bus driver to please let me on, which he did. Now you must understand that were his superiors or the police to observe this, or were it reported, he would be reprimanded and possibly fired. Even more so because he was in the Left turn lane and I actually had to walk through the stopped traffic to get on the bus.
I expressed my thanks to the bus and rather than letting the little mishap ruin my day, joked about what had happened with my fellow passengers. I discovered during this conversation that the first bus which had passed me, just had the wrong information posted on their sign.
While exiting the bus at my work stop, I again thanked the bus driver. As he was pulling off, I saw the homeless man wave at the bus driver as he does every morning. I walked down to the corner where the man was and gave him the customary morning cigarette. I briefly told him what had happened with the busses and then went on my way.
As I walked down the street I started thinking about Karma. I have tried diligently to lead my life the best way possible. I try to be honest, loving, supportive, happy, etc. As I look around at all that I am blessed with, I realize it is a direct result of the way I live my life. I have some of the most amazing friends on the face of the planet. I have a roommate that loves me more than life itself. I have a dream job where I am valued, trusted, appreciated and mentored to achieve excellence.
I would like to try a social experiment. Those who are with me on this strive to do or say something kind to someone whether a stranger or a friend every day for a week. At the end of the week reflect back on your experiences to see if you are happier, more loved, more appreciated, etc. I believe that if everyone in the world were to follow this pattern, we would live in Utopia. Lets each do our part to strive for that!
Thank you to all of my friends and family who love and support me in spite of my shortcomings! I love you all very much!
Every morning I get off my bus to go to work there is a homeless man on the corner. He is very nice and always has a smile, a wave and a “have a good day” for everyone he meets. During the time that I have worked at my job, I have gotten to know this man a little bit, and I can see that he has a good soul. There have been times when I have brought him ice cold water on a hot day, fruit that I knew he needed, cigarettes (daily) amongst other things. I do this because I can see that there is truly a need as well as an immense gratitude on his part.
This morning I went to a different bus stop than usual to catch my bus. As I was standing there, a bus drove by with the number that I usually take posted. The bus didn’t stop and the driver just pointed behind him, as though I was supposed to be at the stop back (it’s an express so it has limited stops). Frustrated and on the phone with the phone company I started walking so that I wouldn’t be late for work waiting on the next bus.
As I’m walking down the street, another bus goes by, this time the real bus I usually catch (I knew this because it’s the same driver every morning). I was unfortunately no where near one of the stops this bus uses. As I walked up to the corner, it was a red light and my bus was stopped there. I motioned to the bus driver to please let me on, which he did. Now you must understand that were his superiors or the police to observe this, or were it reported, he would be reprimanded and possibly fired. Even more so because he was in the Left turn lane and I actually had to walk through the stopped traffic to get on the bus.
I expressed my thanks to the bus and rather than letting the little mishap ruin my day, joked about what had happened with my fellow passengers. I discovered during this conversation that the first bus which had passed me, just had the wrong information posted on their sign.
While exiting the bus at my work stop, I again thanked the bus driver. As he was pulling off, I saw the homeless man wave at the bus driver as he does every morning. I walked down to the corner where the man was and gave him the customary morning cigarette. I briefly told him what had happened with the busses and then went on my way.
As I walked down the street I started thinking about Karma. I have tried diligently to lead my life the best way possible. I try to be honest, loving, supportive, happy, etc. As I look around at all that I am blessed with, I realize it is a direct result of the way I live my life. I have some of the most amazing friends on the face of the planet. I have a roommate that loves me more than life itself. I have a dream job where I am valued, trusted, appreciated and mentored to achieve excellence.
I would like to try a social experiment. Those who are with me on this strive to do or say something kind to someone whether a stranger or a friend every day for a week. At the end of the week reflect back on your experiences to see if you are happier, more loved, more appreciated, etc. I believe that if everyone in the world were to follow this pattern, we would live in Utopia. Lets each do our part to strive for that!
Thank you to all of my friends and family who love and support me in spite of my shortcomings! I love you all very much!
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